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You're mine, again.

May. 5th, 2009 | 11:57 am

Well, I gave up on the Ecocritical journal yesterday. I wrote it a nice little love letter, explaining why I was, emotionally, just never there for it.

I am excited for the summer, and being able to read only what I want to read. Every summer, I promise this. Then I pick up Virginia Woolf or something and expect to have a great time with it. I want to remember what it is like to REALLY enjoy reading. I want to hide all my pencils and pens and those tiny little post-it notes I use for pages I find particularly rich with literary qualities. I want to absorb as I read. I do not want to extract, or mold, or beat, or seek allusions, or compare the slants, or  read the footnotes, or reveal a Freudian fondness for Milton, or read one page more than once. I want to read like other people watch television. I want to read contemporary authors!! I don't know any, but I'll find some! 

I want to read because I want to read, not because I have to read.

Because I'm done. I am done with my English Literature degree. Even if I go back, it will be different for me. I needed my B.A. I want my M.A. and my PhD. I'm done with academia for a while, though. I want to focus on who I am for a while, not who The Big Six were.

Walking to my car from class yesterday, I realized that I really do not have any sort of affection for ASU. There have been a few professors that managed to change the way I think, but the campus itself holds very little meaning for me. I loved the "College Years," but I did not necessarily love college. I'm sure it is different when you go to a school in-state. You still have your old friends, presumably. Yeah, you make new friends--but you don't HAVE to. There's no excitement for discovering the ins and outs of a new city. You don't go to the in-state school because you fell in love with the campus, with it huge trees and Victorian-style buildings. You go because it is there, and they give you money. And because your father threatens a break-down if you go.

So. No, ASU, I won't be getting the ASU Allumni license plate cover. I will not frequent the bars on Mill Ave. to remember what it was like to be a part of your college bar scene. (Because I never was.) Don't worry, ASU. If you keep Jennifer Linde employed, I will return to you--if only to learn everything this woman knows. I mean, I know I can just have lunch with her, but I eventually WANT HER JOB.

So. A week from tomorrow, I will officially have a diploma. Go me! Hasn't really hit me yet. Nonetheless, give me a job, bitches! 

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from: acid_burn115
date: May. 6th, 2009 05:03 am (UTC)


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